a range of afflictions affecting the loved up docs

[terfle]

this is a silly story inspired by friutloops obsession with colourblindness and amputation ;D enjoy

[terfle]

He waved his hand in front of her face
-Jill! Can you see me? He yelled
-Of course I can see you, said she, very ratty. I’m not blind
-Erm. He didn’t want to tell her that she was standing in front of the back door instead of the front door because that one was painted green and this one was brown. She might just throw a hissy fit and hurl the kettle at him, something she was clutching instead of her scarf, which was what she was supposed to wearing, they were going to a concert in the village hall. And he didn’t see how she could go without seeing what colour knickers she was bringing along with her so she could throw it at the guitarist. If it were her grey briefs, she would never live it down
-C’mon then. He dragged her to the car
-Why can’t I drive?
-Because you’re…Oops. Nearly put his foot in it
-I’m what?
-Never mind. They were soon there. He drove through the carpark looking for spaces
-There’s a good one there. She pointed
-Where?
-Over there, by that blue car
-What blue car? That one there?
-Are you joking, that one’s miles off, that one there
-I can’t see one
-You must be blind or something, look, there!
-That one? That car’s red Jill
-Whatever. Hurry up, lets get there. I can hear music
(The concert goes as well as is expected. At the point where knickers are being thrown, a pair of white briefs sail through the air. He knew it. He sighed. Now he’d have to find an excuse to extract them from the guitarist’s head without being seen…)

[terfle]

-Well that wasn’t so bad
-Was it my white of grey ones?
-Errr, no, he lied. Best not tell her, he might as well write his farewell note while he was walking along, searching for the car. Good point
-Where’s the car again?
-By the blue car, I told you
(They reached the end of the car park, Gordon tearing at his bald patch, Jill gazing around aimlessly)
Where’s the car???
Where’s that blue one I’d like to know
Who cares about it??? It was red anyways!
Look, I know what I saw
Lets find our car first (Looking around in trepidation, the plucky pair roam around the car park searching for a dented green mini)
-Found it!!!
-Finally! Why is by the dustbin?
-Don’t know. Do you run one over while parking?
-I don’t run things over Jill, have you ever known me to have a crash? Hang on, this mirror’s intact, that can’t be right. Jill! This isn’t our car. It’s not green!
-Isn’t it?
-No! Its orange!
-How did I miss that…?
-I don’t know, lets find our car!
(A lot of running around like headless chickens is done)
-How come there are orange cars on the road?
-I don’t know, lets find ours first!
(After much searching, they locate it in the next car park. Exasperated, they drive home in bad spirits)

[terfle]

(The next morning they went the hospital, not just for the usual work, but because to Gordon’s annoyance, since some cow stepped on his foot with her something inch heels last night, he couldn’t creep up on the guitarist quite so lightly and got escorted off the premises for lunging at the guy at nearly knocking him out)
-Yes, well, this looks quite serious
-What do you think can be done? It looks quite swelled up
-Plenty of bed rest and some ointment. If its no better in a few days time, come back and we’ll see about it
-Thanks Mr Rose
-I can’t be bothered for that
-Gordon, just do as he says. You can’t do your job properly with those stupid crutches. It’s ruining your shoulder muscles
(More grumbling is heard down the corridors for quite some time)
-Mr Rose! Come quickly!
-Get him into theatre! It’s urgent!
(She paces up and down, worrying how he was doing. And what colour socks he put on today. She wouldn’t put it past him to wear odd ones. Idiot)
-Well, that’s that done. I prescribe plenty of bed rest
-How is he?
-Right as rain. Those crutches might come in handy though
-Dammit. Why?
-Not to worry, you can see him now
(She was sure he had been wearing odd coloured socks. Silly man. She hovered by his bedside)
-How are you doing?
-Felt better. Check the damage will you?
-Ooh, don’t like the look of that
-Is it that bad?
-See for yourself
-ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
-Calm down dear, it’s just the end of the toe. Mr Rose mentioned something about multiple bruising
-It’s purple!
-Is it?

[terfle]

-I really don’t see what all the fuss is about. It’s just a little bit of the toe
-Don’t want to talk about it
-Fine. Don’t come to me when it turns magenta
-Where did you come up with that colour?
-Lizzie was wearing it today
-Was she? His mind wandered to the particularly short mini she was wearing today. A bright canary yellow. With a lilac top. No magenta there. Or was she thinking of red? His brow wrinkled
-Anyways. Can you shut the window?
-Why? It’s nice outside
-Got a headache. Can hear a shrill, tinging noise in my ears
-That’s the birds outside
-Can’t see any
-Look at that one there, the pretty little green one
-Jill, there are no little green birds in England. That one’s brown and white
-Why are you bothered?
-Because if you go around pointing out little green birds, people are going to think you’re crazy
-Oh
-I’m tired, lets go to bed
-Can you get up the stairs?
-Yes! I just need a hand. I’ve just got a headache. Going to sleep it off. Coming?
-Coming

[terfle]

-My head really hurts
-Gordon, its 3 in the morning
-Haven’t you got a headache?
-I have a ringing in my ears. From your whinging
-But I have a headache…
-We’ll go to the hospital first thing in the morning. Now just shut up
-I can hear twittering
-It’s the birds. Now shut up
-I could have sworn it was…oh never mind
(In the morning they go back to the hospital)
-Back again? Smoke emanated from the black chair as Mr Rose surveyed his patient. Again.
-Very irregular prognosis indeed. I suggest plenty of bed rest
-I can’t help it! Pass me my coat Jill. No, not that one, that Mr Rose’s. Mine’s brown
-Do you think I’m blind? I can see your coat. Here. She shoves it at him unceremoniously and wanders to the window
-Again, very sorry about this. It seems my ears have been playing tricks on me
-Not to worry, common occurrences. Drink plenty of tea and you’ll feel right as rain after a few days
-Righty oh. Come on Jill, let’s go
-When do you ever wash your windows? Look at them, covered in a film of dust. Mr Rose puffs up indignantly and answers curtly
-That’s the curtain Doctor
-Really?
-Yes well, we won’t be disturbing you again. Thanks. Lowers his tone as he walks out of the room in vexation
-Just because we don’t have net curtains in our house, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist
-I wasn’t talking about the curtains. I was talking about the dust on them
He sighs. Again
-Never mind, lets get out of here
(Nurse Davenport approaches them and asks another irritating question)
-Doctor Weatherill, which pills do I use for that guy, the one with a broken leg? The one who keeps sneaking whisky in. He’s complaining again
-Give him the blue ones, she called over her shoulder
-Righty then
-Hang on, aren’t those the anti-depressants?
-Well which ones am I supposed to give him?
-The white ones. I think. They turn around swiftly and sprint along the corridor. Already they can hear the drunken singing from where they were…

[terfle]

the end. hope you enjoyed ;D

[wilderbeest]

I did indeed... completely mad...

[terfle]

thats the point ;D

[wilderbeest]

I know!

[terfle]

glad to hear it you're certainly not suffering from blindness let alone colour blindness!

[wilderbeest]

I hope not. By the way, is it just me or has the forum changed colour to orange and green? ;-)

[terfle]

i think its just you........or my glasses aren't working

[Captain Annie]

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!

[wilderbeest]